When Grandparents are Parenting Again in Canada

About half of Canadians over 45 are grandparents. Grandparents usually interact with grandkids without the day-to-day parental responsibilities of parents. Grandparenting mostly means family holiday get-togethers, occasional play dates, evening babysitting, phone or video chats, and social media interactions here and there.

But sometimes, life circumstances change.

Divorce, addiction issues, death, or changes to parental work or school responsibilities may mean it falls to grandparents to take over full- or part-time responsibility of raising their grandchildren.

A growing number of grandparents are parenting grandchildren, foregoing traditional grandparent/grandchild relationships. It may mean less leisure time, travelling, and other aspects of retirement independence in favour of day-to-day schedules, meals, play dates, and homework. And if tragedy creates the change in circumstances, Grandparents face other stress factors, like coping with their own and their grandchildren’s grief.

But raising grandchildren can be incredibly rewarding with a deeper connection to the grandchild’s world. Many grandparents feel younger and rejuvenated by the companionship of younger people. Plus, there is immense satisfaction in providing a safe, structured, nurturing home environment for the grandkids to feel loved.

Tips for Raising Grandchildren in Canada

Here are a few tips to help you through the process of raising your grandchildren.

• Acknowledge your feelings – More than one emotion emerges as you shift roles into being a primary caregiver again. Love, joy, and relief are easier to acknowledge, but you probably feel some fear, grief, resentment and even guilt, too.
• Take care of yourself – When raising your kids, you might have managed to skip out on some self-care and just push through. Raising kids is more difficult now, and you’re not as young as you once were. Take the time to take care of yourself. Watch your diet and exercise routine, and get the support you need. Check out support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren both online and in person.
• Your grandkids have mixed feelings, too – This is a transition for you and the kids. Whatever the underlying causes for the shift, the kids need time to adjust. And if the children previously suffered neglect, trauma, or abuse, the wounds don’t disappear now they are in a safe place. They need time to heal.
• Create a stable environment – Your grandchildren need to feel secure after such a major transition. Establish a routine. Set a mealtime and bedtime schedule. Clear, age-appropriate house rules must be enforced consistently.

Parenting as grandparents will be different than raising your children, but it can certainly be very rewarding.